You know the word. You’ve heard it many times. Probably felt it even more. If you’re honest with yourself. It’s just a little word, but sometimes those little words hold the most power. They may be small, but what a mighty weight they can carry.
Four little letters.
Making one little word.
That little word fear.
It may be little,
but it can control your world.
It can eat you alive. Destroy any good day. Take over your mind. Play games with you. It can leave you breathless. Scared. And it can make you want to hide away. It can keep you from living life fully. Totally paralyze you. Keep you from loving. Hold you back. Knock you down. And bring you to your knees. It loves the dark. And it creeps in any little opening that it can find. Hoping to find it’s way to the core of your heart.
But it only does all of these things if I let it.
If I let it. If you let it.
I can tell you all about fear. Describe in detail how it has done all of the above to me. How I have let it. I can tell you about the huge fears I battle. The ones that have left me scared to move and terrified of tomorrow. I can tell you about the little fears that creep in and leave me feeling confused. Alone and questioning God. And I know, you face a lot of these same fears too. You have many stories you could tell. Many of them bigger than the ones that have shook my world. I know your heart knows what I’m talking about. Life is hard. Rough. And scary.
The middle of the night fears. The daytime battles. And when the sun goes down? Those fears? I have let them knock me down. Make me shiver. And really, make me feel like giving up. They have caused sleepless nights and tired days. Does it have to be this way? Is this just part of life? This has been my battle lately. Fear. And I have gotten so weary of it. So discouraged. Fear is so real. I know you know how it can feel. And we could sit all day and talk about fear. But through this battle, my mind kept coming back to this verse;
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear;
but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7
Listen. Just hear this! That spirit of fear? It is not from my Jesus. He doesn’t give the spirit of fear! No. Never. Not even once. Don’t claim it. It is not from above. He has something much greater for His children. Listen to what He offers, to what He gives if we claim it: He gives power – power to love! To overcome! To be victorious over fear! Let His power wash over you, cleanse your mind from fear. All those fears I have given room? Those fears you battle? Don’t even go there! Run from them. We have been given the power. Be so busy with loving and giving and serving, using that power that He does give – that those fears, those fears?? You don’t have time for them. He gives the spirit of love, so that we can love others. Not so we can fear what others can do to us or what the world can cause in our lives. Not so we can fear that cancer. Or that mountain up ahead. No, that spirit He gives is to spread love to the world, so they too can know the God who is greater than any fear. And He doesn’t stop there, He gives a sound mind – a calm, peaceful, self-controlled mind. No panic or confusion. Just peace and quiet trust. The complete opposite of fear.
Oh, how I need to remind myself of this. So very often. My God is so much greater than the middle of the night fears. The many daytime battles. The fears that leave me so discouraged and wore out. I’m writing this out, so it sticks to my heart. This is what I need to hear. There is no room for fear in my heart when God is there. He is so much greater. My heart needs this daily reminder. And maybe, just maybe, your heart does too. Take that fear to the cross and leave it there. Daily. Hourly. Minute by minute. Whatever it takes. You have been given the spirit of power. The spirit of love. And the spirit of a sound mind. What an amazing gift. A truly amazing gift.
We are very much still living and breathing, although we’ve been kinda quiet on here. Wes was sick for awhile about a month ago, which led to his doctor putting off two of his hospital stays, just to give his body time to recover from the sickness before they load him with that kind of chemo again. He was still able to take his outpatient chemo, and was just in for another round on Friday.
It’s all becoming quite familiar, the routine, the hospital, the best parking spot, the nurses and doctors, when to take certain pills, when he will feel his worst, his best, when to be concerned, when not to be, and we can even say some of those big medical words and we know what they mean. I hear things from my children I never dreamed I would hear. Things like “Daddy, how do they give you the medicine?” “Does the needle hurt?” and “Dear Jesus, please be with daddy. Heal the bump on his back.” and “Wash your hands, so daddy doesn’t get sick.” And little giggles about daddy not having hair right now. As much as it brings tears to my eyes, it’s our life these days. Our reality. And can I be honest? It’s exhausting. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.
So much to take in. Yet it takes so much from you. So much to fear. (we’re working on that!) So much in the future that is still so unknown. And simply a day by day step. But we’re getting through it! We have been loved on by family and friends, so much. They have been so good with coming and helping us. Loving on our children. Lifting our spirits and encouraging our hearts. We have had people from a nearby community stop by for a little visit and bring freezer meals. Our neighbors have been so caring and we feel so safe and at home here. You have kept our mail lady busy. Thank you! You have overwhelmed us. I wish to thank each of you personally, but my little mind is having a hard time keeping up! So from our hearts, thank you. So very much for what you are doing for our family. I pray God blesses you in return. And not only are you giving in that way, but I know so many of you are giving of yourself in prayer. We can feel it. And we can’t thank you enough. You are being vessels in His hand. And we will always be grateful for your prayers. And we can still testify greatly of the amazing grace and faithfulness of our Father God. His grace is so real and He is so faithful. Life is hard. You know that. But it’s good. God is still good. Even in the middle of cancer.
Right now we don’t know what the future holds for us. Or how long Florida will be our home. We’re still just taking it a day at a time. The sunshine and warmth have been lovely and it has a way of lifting our spirits. And we have ever so much to be thankful for, even in this season of our lives. Wes is in his ‘low week’. Although he never feels too terrible, he struggles with some backache, nausea and tiredness. But overall he is doing pretty good. For which we are so grateful.
Thank you again for walking with us on this journey.
And I pray that those fears you are facing will be carried to the cross.
Minute by minute. I’m leaving mine there.