Hello, from our little world again. Time certainly has a way of slipping away and leaving me trying to keep up! We have moved back to Indiana and have been trying to find the new normal for life. We’ve been home 4 weeks now and while it has felt so good to be home again, the reality of everything has been hard all over again as we face the way cancer has changed our world. But we are doing good. And God has been ever faithful and unchanging and still so good.
We feel caught in the waiting again. Which has been such a big part of the last 6 months of our lives, but I’m not sure if it gets any easier to wait for answers. We’ve been talking lately about how much of our lives are spent in the waiting and the percentage is quite large. Just stop and think about it. We wait for so much and every day finds us waiting for one thing or another. . .We wait in line, wait for our phone call to be answered, and than we wait while we’re put on hold. We wait for the food to be done, the light to turn green, the storm to be over. For the baby to be born, the doctor to call, the pharmacist to fill that prescription. We wait for the checkout lady to hurry us through. Waiting for the right person to love and to be loved by. We wait for the mail to come. For spring to come. Morning to come. The right time to leave. The check to arrive. The bill to be paid. And at the end of the day we are still waiting some more.
Life is full of waiting. So many of the things we wait for are good things. Things that bring us joy. And make life pleasant. And there is lots of anticipation when we’re waiting for the good. But with all the good, there is the other side of things. The hard. The not so good. The times the waiting disappoints us. When the news we get at the end of the waiting shakes our world. Waiting for the day your husband can do more scans and for the day the doctors can tell you if the cancer is still growing in your husbands body. How do you do that? Or how do you wait when it’s the hard news of a loved one that is barely hanging on? When it’s a precious soul that is gone astray and the waiting is hard and the prayers desperate? Or maybe you’re waiting to hear that tiny little heartbeat, when they told you they weren’t sure it was beating anymore? What do you do with the waiting life brings your way? Hard waiting. Desperate waiting. Days of raw feelings, emotions, waiting with open hands and yet a desperate grip on hope. How do you go about it? What do you do with all the waiting? And I know our story is only scratching the surface in the waiting life brings. But here I wait. I wait with patience and rest some days. Believing that what God has for me is for my best. And whatever this waiting brings it will be okay because of Jesus and His grace. Than there are days when it puts me on my knees, tears streaming I fight the reality of our lives right now, wrestling with the truth, the ugly unfairness that life can bring. I feel worn out and weak and wonder at this waiting. The purpose of waiting. The fight of waiting. How am I to live in this waiting?
The word ‘worship’ is a word my heart has heard so often in the last months. Like a little whisper. And I know it’s a soft reminder of what God wants these days of waiting to be. Days of worship. What if I took all this time of waiting, the hard waiting, the desperate waiting, what if I turned it into a time of worship? And not just me and my waiting, but you, that waiting you are doing? The hard, big waiting. The waiting that hurts your heart. And the little waiting. That line you’re caught waiting in at the grocery store, do something with that time, smile at someone, start a conversation, encourage that cashier. Worship and bring Him glory while you wait. Even there. In that grocery store check out line. Or if it’s the waiting that’s hard. The silent, desperate waiting for a diagnose. For a soul to find hope. The raw pain of waiting, hanging on for the words to make your world okay again. God is in the middle of that. Worship Him. Through the emotions of it all, the tears, the painful seeking, and when you hear news you never wanted to hear. Turn it into worship. Even when you can’t find words. And the tears don’t stop. Turn your heart to the God who loves you. Who created you. The God who feels your heartbeat and counts your tears. Turn that waiting into worship.
And I want to find myself there. Worshiping in these days of waiting. Giving. Serving. Blessing my little family with love. Choosing to give. And when the days are hard and the questions overwhelming and the thought of waiting another day seems like just too much, I want to turn around and give more. Worship some more. This is what I want to do with this waiting we are in. To leave no room for bitterness. But turn it into praise. An offering of worship.
Waiting is what we have been doing . . . We are scheduled for March 8th & 9th back at Mayo where they will redo all the scans and blood work and than we’ll meet with his doctor to find out what is next. Other than a week or two of back pain when we moved home, and having his blood count pretty low, Wes has been feeling good. He did blood work again this past week and it came back good. He has a head with hair again and brand new eyebrows and lashes! 🙂 The chemo look is gone. We were still advised to not interact with a lot of people because of sickness and so we are still not getting out much at all. Wes is able to do a lot, just not much physical labor. So he’s been doing lots of tech work & bookwork for the farm. My heart is full of thankfulness for the way that he is feeling and we feel very hopeful. We were told that sometimes it takes more than one treatment plan to take care of all the cancer. But from the results of the last scan he took in October the doctors were very hopeful about it all, so we wait with our hearts hopeful. I just have to keep looking at this time in our lives as a season. A hard season, yes. But also a season where I see God doing so much. And because of that, my heart is finding gratefulness for this very season of our lives.
As we go back to Mayo for the scans and the results on March 8th, will you pray with us once more? Pray for peace and for continued healing. That our hearts will be accepting of whatever the news is that we hear. But most of all that God will be glorified. That we will worship in all the waiting. The prayers you offer on our behalf are felt and appreciated more than words can say. Thank you, again. You have played a big part on this journey we are on. You continue to bless us with tangible gifts and you have made so many days brighter for our children. Thank you. But knowing that we are surrounded by your prayers is the greatest gift you can give! And our hearts overflow with thankfulness once again.
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
And in His word I do hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
More than those who watch for the morning—
Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.”
Psalm 130:5, 6
May the waiting you find yourself in today, the big or the small, be moments of worship to our ever-faithful Father. For He alone is worthy.